I had a nice day today. I spent half the day moping in bed, and then went out to teach tuition and met Yangzhao after. Had to drag him out of his house because apparently, he had just showered and accompanying me for dinner was not on the top of his to-do list.

People who know me well know that directions is not my forte, and today the fool let me guide him to Hougang Ave 4 (my goodness, how many times have I been to that place already?) and we went around in circles. CIRCLES. AND I WAS GUIDED BY GOOGLE MAPS. HOW ON EARTH DOES ONE GET LOST WITH A GPS IN HAND? He eventually got irritated, took the phone off my hands, studied the map and got there in less than 5 minutes. I then proceeded to guide him to the wrong carpark. I meekly told him there was actually a nearer carpark after we parked, and he looked at me, smiled, and pretended he did not hear what I had just said. Smart move, lad.

Oh yes, after all the trouble of getting there, we realise that the sting ray stall was closed. Once again, he looked at me, smiled, and pretended not to see anything, and allowed me to guide him to the other coffee shop.

He then sent me back, but I insisted on ice-cream from 7-11. He parked under my block and we went over to grab some. On the way, we noticed some flashing lights in the distance and decide to walk over to take a look. We walked and walked.... and the lights never got any closer. It was so much further than what we had expected and by the time we nearly reached the lights, they drove off and we had to walk the whole way back.

Reading this entry makes me think we waste a lot of time traveling hmm. Well, that concludes my Valentine's this year. It wasn't so bad :]

Labels: awesomesauce, friends, life

I used to be strong, I used to be fine when left alone but after I experienced how it was like to have someone, I really don't want to go back being alone.

I want someone I can hang out with all day but there's no one, everyone has their own lives to lead. Their lives are not intertwined with mine, they are not obliged to stay with me.

I haven't been really happy since the day we broke up, or really since the day we separated. God knows I tried. I can be happy around my friends but at the end of the day reality comes back and slaps me across the face. I tried eating just chocolates to get happy & cough syrup to let me sleep away the days but it never worked. When I wake up I feel worse than ever, because the memories all come flooding back, and also the fact that I'm hurting so much I'm doing stupid things but he's okay. I don't know what to do I don't know how to feel I don't know what to think.

Whenever I climb into my bed, I am reminded of how he kisses my forehead and cuddles me to sleep, with the occasional patting on my favorite spot. That is the happiest I have felt in months. That is the first time in months I go to bed happy. It then hits me, I can never be happy without him.

I wore his shorts to sleep last night, despite the too-tight waistband that forces a muffin-top out. I just wanted him, or at least something of his, to be near me.

I wish he knows all these, but how do I tell him and make him understand?



Lol talk about the floodgates opening -- I never planned to write so much but I guess it's good I got it out. It's hard for me to talk to people and open up to them, he is the only one I can really open up to but now that he's gone, I can only keep things bottled up. I guess another reason is because I don't want to bother people with my personal issues, they have their own problems & their own lives to lead.

Labels: life

I really thought I was done crying. I though I'd just miss him occasionally but or some reason I cried when I woke up today. Maybe it's because I dreamt of him. Maybe it's because I missed him so much.

Night.
Things are getting complicated, and once again I couldn't control myself and cried. I guess the only good thing that came out of it is that it made me sleepy. Who knew break-ups were so messy?

Labels: emo, life, love

am feeling more and more mixed up as the days go by. On some days I miss you terribly, and on others I really don't care anymore. Am I moving on, or am I just numb to the pain?

Labels: life, love

mixed up inside. I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy enough to be unhappy. All I know is that when you're back, everything in my life will be perfect.

Labels: life

I just want to be happy. I'm envious when I see happy singles, happy couples, and generally happy people. It's like, my only source of long-term happiness comes from him and I know it's not supposed to be like that, but spending time with my family and friends just gives me happiness for a while, and then I think about him and it's back to square one. Guess I have to be unhappy for another 2 more months before I finally have it all together again.
What do I want right now? It's basically all about him. For him to call me endearing terms again, for him to even think about me, for him to prioritize me again, for him to hug & kiss me, for him to cuddle with me, for him to be happy with me.
I know I sound a little selfish, but I always want to be the one to make him happy but for some reason it always backfires.
And I'm not really looking forward to my birthday, because I know I won't be able to celebrate it with him as boyfriend/girlfriend, or with him as friends even.

Okay I sound like a fool in love, but that's what we all are... right?

..
Is there a pill to make you go to sleep for 2 months? I really need that. Or happy pills. I just need something.

Labels: emo, life, love

Looked at your twitter and saw that the iPad 2 has arrived.. If we were all good you would have texted me straight away and I'd be the first to know, but now I'm not. It's quite sad and strange to see that I'm now no longer the first. Said this a lot, but I still wish everything was back to the way it was.

Labels: emo, life, love

Hate it when people tell me you're not the one. We've gone through too many things for you not to be the one..

Labels: emo, life, love

I decided to deactivate my facebook account and my twitter account. I could really use a break. I'm tired. Not going to resist anything you say or do anymore.

Labels: emo, life, love

met today, unexpectedly. Things were so awkward, we pretended either didn't exist. No hellos, no goodbyes. I wanted so bad for you to come and talk to me, tell me the break is over, tell me everything is okay and the distance between us will no longer be there. You didn't. I didn't expect you to, anyway. I just really hoped you would, but once again expectation led to disappointment. If I could do anything, I honestly would. But you were the one to put the distance between us. I can't do anything but wait for you to come back.

Labels: emo, life, love

Would things be different if I were prettier? I really, honestly think it would.

Labels: life

on a break. I still don't fully understand what a break in a relationship means. Does it mean you break up temporarily? Does it mean you are still together but ignoring each other? I don't know how people can get back after a break and act as if nothing has happened. Okay maybe it's just me. I feel like I've been continuously rejected, and in the end I'm just tired. Tired from trying and tired of being rejected. If we get back like normal, would it mean that I am now at your beck & call? A disposable.. item? When you're happy, you stick with me. When you're mad, you call for a time out and just ignore me. What about my feelings? Am I not allowed to voice out what I feel? And even if I do, will they be heard or will they be ignored? When you feel like you're done being mad, you just appear. I hate it when I ask you when it would end, and you give me a simple 'I don't know', then decide by yourself when you want the break to end. Do you actually expect me to be as affectionate? I think not.

Labels: life, love

there's so much hurt in me I don't know what to do with it..

Labels: life

I'm planning to get inked ;}

But it's something that I cannot reverse so I know I need to think it through.















so... my wrist or my finger?

Labels: ink, life

Today Rayen did something sweet. It's just a little thing to others, but it's a big thing to me.

We got cheese fries and he ate all the fries surrounding the cheese (those that didn't have cheese on it). When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to save the best for me.


... c:

Labels: life, love, Rayen

Say hi to Rilakkuma.

Labels: life, love, Rayen, rilakkuma

Okay so most of my friends know that I'm attached, but I'm just gonna blog about him here.

He's 2 years younger, but he's as mature as anyone my age when it's time to be serious.

He cares a lot about me, and always makes sure I'm happy and my stomach is filled.
He's also very caring towards his friends, and makes sure they're okay by talking and encouraging them.

He sends me home after school even though he's tired, and he waits up for me at night and makes sure I'm in bed before he sleeps although he's zombie-fied.

He always encourages me when I'm down, when I don't want to go to school, anytime when I need it.

There are a million other things that I'd say, but I just want to say I love you.

Labels: life, love, Rayen

The Five Love Languages

My primary love languages are probably
Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		8
Quality Time:		8
Acts of Service:		6
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Labels: life, love, random

Currently going through a rough patch. I'll update when all's well.

Labels: life

it's 2.55am right now and I can't sleep. I blame afternoon naps. Anyway, here's Korilakkuma that kuku bought for me. And I look like crap; who looks good at 2.55am?




Anyway, thought the kuku deserves his own tag now.

Labels: life, random, Rayen