Thursday, March 29, 2012
In the middle of the night I can't get to sleep.
I start to think of you. I wonder how you are doing, are you eating well? Are you having fun?
I think of the days we were together and then I realise, I actually still miss you that much.
Monday, March 26, 2012
I met someone last thursday (22 March). He makes me happy, I love going to sleep with his text the last thing on my mind, and I love waking up with his text in the morning.
But as the days pass I'm afraid the whole thing will end for some reason, mainly because I think I'm ugly and I don't deserve him. I'm just afraid of getting rejected and hurt again, it really sucks when it happens and I'm scared as hell. I don't know what to do.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
He likes someone else now. She likes him too. I'm envious.
I thought we would grow old together. We could have, but I don't even know what the fuck I was doing when we were together and I caused the whole thing to end.
Friday, March 16, 2012
I deleted the games he downloaded on my phone. Feels like I'm deleting our memories. Assassin's Creed Rearmed no longer sends me a notification at 12.59am everyday and reminds me of the time I stayed at his place and we had fun.
I wish he knows how I feel, words are not enough to properly express the emotions. I don't want him to mumble an awkward sorry. I just want him to understand. But what is the point right? It's all over. The best person in my life has left.
My heart is still hurting. I cannot deny that fact.
We had a proper closure yesterday, he called me and we had a little chat on the phone. He told me to move on because he had and he no longer feels anything for me.
Ouch.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I have never felt so alone in my life.
Mummy said I looked so much thinner. Charmaine said my face is sunken in and makes my eyes look like it's bulging.
How can I eat when everyday I'm just.. Sad?
I'm just so sick of this whole thing. I'm sick of waking up and crying. I'm sick of going to bed and crying. I'm sick of constantly dreaming about you, be it dreams of you coming back or dreams of you with other girls.
Many times I wish to simply cease to exist..
Thursday, March 08, 2012
His birthday
1 year passed so quickly...
A year ago I was at his place celebrating his birthday with his best friends, and feeling blessed when he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend.
Juztin told me to kiss Rayen on his cheek when we were taking group pictures but I declined because I was shy, and I honestly thought I'd do it next year, but I guess it's not gonna happen.
I wish I could celebrate his birthday like before.
It is also Hiccups' 1st birthday. He used to call me Hiccups and named the pink toy as that so he could pretend I was beside him always.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Yeah Helena, continue pissing the fuck out of everyone and pushing everyone away okay?
.. Dafug am I doing.... I'm so screwed up.
Just woke up and I feel so shitty. Times like this makes me hope the world does end soon. Too tired to continue on.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Is it possible to love & hate someone at the same time? I hate him for the times he hurt me, and yet I still love him. God am I stupid or what?
