Here I am again. I have realised after everything's that happened, I am truly terrified of falling in love. What if I fall but nobody's there waiting to catch me? I would end up broken and bruised like many times before and just like putting your hand on a hot kettle, you learn never to do it again.
And yet he's been so patient with me, staying up just to slowly coax my thoughts out of me and to wipe my tears away. The last thing that I would ever want is to hurt him and I never want to see him sad. Yet at 3am we both revealed how we felt and my heart stopped when he said he felt like a rebound. No matter if it's not a constant thought, the fact that he would ever feel that way once or twice is horrible enough. It adds on to the guilt that I feel everyday.
Is it stupid to feel insecure about everything? The fact that I know next to nothing about him makes me scared. Plus the way he felt and that we are just dating.. It feels like he could just leave any moment and I would never leave a single mark in his life. Nobody would know about me and I would just fade away, maybe as a distant memory or not at all. Is that why I constantly leave marks on his body? If I couldn't leave any in his life the least I could do is physically leave them, even though they fade away in a few days and that is not what I hope to be. To fade away in a few days and never be remembered.
But then again he did take a lot of effort to get me back and why would he just go. I'm actually confused about the whole thing. Did he get me back or did he take me back?
